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Posted: 10/17/2010 2:06:56 PM EST
Post 'em if you got 'em.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:08:46 PM EST
Chuck is no joke. I would be afraid to make fun of him here.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:09:02 PM EST


Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.


...and that's no joke.

Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:09:06 PM EST
He's so powerful, he doesn't need any jokes written about him. The name itself implies hilarity.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:09:54 PM EST
It's not a democracy. It's a Chucktatorship!
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:11:53 PM EST
In 'nam Chuck Norris fired 7.62 battlefield pickups from his Mattel M-16.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:12:16 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:13:05 PM EST
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:13:30 PM EST
Chuck Norris does not get wet .................................................................... the water gets Chuck Norris'd
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:13:58 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/17/2010 2:15:08 PM EST by jsucraig]
www.google.com search for 'Where is Chuck Norris' click 'I'm feeling Lucky' you get:

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Created by Arran Schlosberg

Aussie? Check this out...

Will you be my little spoon?

Jonathan Sankey's pick up techniques
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:31:58 PM EST
Chuck Norris doesn't dial 911. no joke there
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:35:21 PM EST
Chuck Norris once lit a fart while camping in the Sahara forest.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:53:30 PM EST
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:56:39 PM EST
Chuck Norris walked down the street one day with an erection. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he does not push himself up. He pushes the earth down.

Link Posted: 10/17/2010 2:58:18 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/17/2010 2:59:11 PM EST by Ironmaker]
Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands, when he left they were known only as the Islands.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 3:00:04 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/17/2010 3:00:20 PM EST by heyitsshane]
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he looks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 3:03:37 PM EST
CN can ride a wheely(sp) on a unicycle my fav.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 3:06:06 PM EST
When Chuck Norris wants your opinion.

He beats it out of you.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 4:07:02 PM EST
Chuck Norris and Superman fought once. The winner had to wear their underwear on the outside for the rest of their life.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 4:50:22 PM EST
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 4:51:51 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/17/2010 4:58:11 PM EST by Greenhorn]
Chuck Norris can run around the Earth and roundhouse-kick himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm-wrestling contest. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

We must hope that Chuck Norris and Christopher Walken never appear together. The awesome would destroy the universe.

If Chuck Norris was alive when Einstein wrote his theory of relativity, he would have known that light merely does not dare travel faster than Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 4:52:01 PM EST
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month, and as a result, they bleed for 7 days.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 4:53:58 PM EST
Originally Posted By Dog1:
He's a great actor.


LoL

I see what you did th...
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 4:54:13 PM EST
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 4:54:25 PM EST
Originally Posted By CombatMP:
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month, and as a result, they bleed for 7 days.


In-light(sp?) of all the spelling threads tonight, If Chuck Norris misspells a word, the dictionary just changes the actual spelling of the word.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 4:58:38 PM EST
Chuck Norris once ate a 72oz steak in under an hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Most boys can pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can Piss his name into concrete.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:02:26 PM EST
Chuck norris is currently in the middle of a lawsuit against NBC, as Law&Order are the trademark names for his left and right leg....
Chuck norris can skip a rock underwater
DR, phill ask chuck norris for advice
Chuck norris does not were a condom, becuase there is no protection from chuck norris
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:02:51 PM EST
Originally Posted By proto_moose:
Chuck Norris and Superman fought once. The winner loser had to wear their underwear on the outside for the rest of their life.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:03:59 PM EST
When Chuck Norris has sex, he is always on top since Chuck Norris never fucks up
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:06:49 PM EST
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:09:35 PM EST
Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:23:19 PM EST
Chuck Norris once strangled Steven Segal with a cordless Phone

Who's tougher Ziva David or Chuck Norris?
Le Roy Jethro Gibbs!
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:25:53 PM EST
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:29:10 PM EST
When Chuck Norris does push ups he pushes the earth down.

Chuck Norris doesn't join the army, the army joins Chuck Norris.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:38:31 PM EST
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burgerking and got one!
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:42:48 PM EST
In a pinch, Chuck Noris once used a Rattlesnake for a condom.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:42:55 PM EST
Chuck Norris is so awesome, sharks have a "Chuck Norris Week."
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:45:39 PM EST
The beach landing scene in 'Saving Private Ryan' is loosely based on a game of dodgeball Chuck Norris had in the second grade.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:51:24 PM EST
Chuck Norris once lost an Arm Wrestling match.

It when he was young and was beaten by a stronger and smarter Chuck Norris that traveled in a time machine from his own future.

Only Chuck Norris can say that line in one breath.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:53:00 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/17/2010 6:05:32 PM EST by PaperKiller]
Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shit out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.


Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:54:17 PM EST
Originally Posted By DRhodes:
The beach landing scene in 'Saving Private Ryan' is loosely based on a game of dodgeball Chuck Norris had in the second grade.


I like that one. It's original.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 5:59:52 PM EST

Originally Posted By MagazineFed:
Originally Posted By DRhodes:
The beach landing scene in 'Saving Private Ryan' is loosely based on a game of dodgeball Chuck Norris had in the second grade.


I like that one. It's original.

I've never actually heard it anywhere but from an old boss. I don't know if he thought it up himself but it never ceases to make me laugh pretty hard.

It's definitely my favorite.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:06:34 PM EST
Chuck Norris does not teabag, he potato-sacks.

Chuck Norris invented hamburger by throwing a cow at a chain link fence.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:22:35 PM EST
Chuck Norris is the reason that Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:24:27 PM EST
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits in ambush.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:31:43 PM EST
When Chuck Norris has sex, the woman never survives.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:32:24 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/17/2010 6:33:34 PM EST by kpel308]
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:36:36 PM EST
This was suppossed to be a Chuck Norris joke thread but all I see are facts. There are no Chuck Norris jokes.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:47:14 PM EST
if you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars he has more money than you .
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:52:08 PM EST
Chuck Norris has a dick so big, his dick has its own dick. And that dick is bigger than your dick!

Chuck Norris CAN touch this!

Chuck Norris can count to infinity. In fact he did it, twice!

Chuck Norris doesn't tea-bag, he Potato-sacks.
Link Posted: 10/17/2010 6:55:58 PM EST
When Chuck Norris looks through a telescope into certain areas of space, an entire planet of aliens gets the creepy feeling they're being watched.
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