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Fatalwishes
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:07:19 AM
[Last Edit: 12/14/2013 11:39:24 PM by Bama-Shooter]

THE IMAGE ABOVE IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT
No shit.

I'm laying here at Harris Hospital in Fort Worth Texas realizing my final days are upon me. It started back in April when I was diagnosed with stage IVLymphoma cancer.

Couldn't just be normal Lymphoma, it had to be Burkitt's lymphoma. And a rare one at that. It's what's called a triple hit Burkitt's. Meaning there are three bad chromosones they have to fight.

Basically it's a fast growing tumor they throw everything at. We started with Chemo called Hyper/Cvad....one of the strongest doses of chemo they have. The tumor responded and went from 22cm to 8.4 cm then got pissed off and started growing again. They took me off Chemo and Sent me to MD Anderson in Houston to be on a clinical trial. I tried that and the tumor got bigger after a month so they kicked me off and sent me back.

Now I'm laying here with this huge belly, a bad prognosis, and hooked to what they call "salvage" chemo. It doesn't look good. Basically if this chemo does not shrink the tumor I am going to die.

If it does shrink the tumor, then I have to have a bone marrow transfusion immediately to help fight the cancer. There will be a small window of opportunity and we have to find a donor match.

I"ve gone from a 32 inch waist to almost a 44". I know what a pregnant woman feels now.......you cannot get comfortable no matter what position you lie in.

My back is killing me, I'm tired, exhausted, I can't eat without throwing iit back up and I have not pooped in three days because the tumor is wrapped around my intestines.

I'm only 45 years old and not ready to die. But here I lay wondering wtf happened and how did this happened. For the first time in my life I'm actually afraid.

9 years in the Army I served. I'm proud of that. I went to college and got a degree.........I have a beautiful family........I guess I've had a good life.,

I've shot more deer than most people have seen over the years.......hell I have killed lots of animals over the years. Shit loads of doves.......

I can't even think about the number of bullets I've fired over the years. It would be funny to see that mountain of brass. We would all smile and be proud and say "damn Jeff, you have a trigger finger left?"

The mountain of brass would shade my two story house. I can be proud of that.

I have an 8 year old son I have not taught much too. I've been pretty sick all year. He has a chipmunk rifle ready to go......Dad just needs to get better......and there are days I can barely get off the couch I'm so sick.

Will somebody teach him when I'm gone? I sure hope so.....he's a good kid and if he's got some of his Dad in him he's gonna be a damn good shot.

Yes....these are the words of a truly dying man. I don't think I'll have any regrets.........I've always wanted to work on a project car.....you know......rebuild an old classic. 65 mustang or 72 Chevy pickup...

If I get better that's what I want to do. Chances are small and slim though and I think I finally realized that tonight. The nurses act different around me. They look sad.......they must have read my chart and seen my prognosis. It's in their eyes and faces. They won't look me in the eye......and I've been coming here for months for treatment.

Things feel different......they know. They just are not saying.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm scared..........I do know that. I guess if I had a shoulder to cry on right now I would.

Well I'll just dump this here in GD and let the ball roll.

I'm in room 700 if you got a shoulder.7th floor Harris tower...
Accidental
- 12/13 Arfcockalypse Survivor - *CoC VET -2BSS*
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:11:08 AM
God speed Brother o7
Memeber knows better.
Award:Fucking up already fucked up threads 24/365.
TacticalMOLONLABE
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:11:55 AM
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain
Call to arms banners fly in the wind
For the glory of Hellas
Coat of arms reading "Freedom or death!"
Blood of king Leonidas

Tiocfaidh ár lá
AKFF
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:12:55 AM
I've shed a few tears and am going to crack a beer in your honor. Stay strong and don't give up hope even though it seems impossible. Is your family nearby?
Scorpionmain: I came into this world screaming and covered in someone else’s blood. I would have no problem with going out the same way.
Fatalwishes
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:16:51 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By AKFF:
I've shed a few tears and am going to crack a beer in your honor. Stay strong and don't give up hope even though it seems impossible. Is your family nearby?



No, they are all home in bed, I gave them the day off.

I'm up here alone......I sure could use a buddy right now. I hate Sundays.


AKFF
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:17:35 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By Fatalwishes:
Originally Posted By AKFF:
I've shed a few tears and am going to crack a beer in your honor. Stay strong and don't give up hope even though it seems impossible. Is your family nearby?



No, they are all home in bed, I gave them the day off.

I'm up here alone......I sure could use a buddy right now. I hate Sundays.




Tell me about your favorite day shooting.
Scorpionmain: I came into this world screaming and covered in someone else’s blood. I would have no problem with going out the same way.
AKFF
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:18:03 AM
Or maybe your best deer hunt.
Scorpionmain: I came into this world screaming and covered in someone else’s blood. I would have no problem with going out the same way.
JosieWales
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:19:34 AM
Sorry to hear Brother;

Have Courage and be Courageous--That's the Best thing we can all do.

May God Bless you and your Family.
"Never give Up-Never Quit-"
TacticalMOLONLABE
You have faith in the elephant and jackass
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:19:41 AM
Yea we are here.

Tell us stories.
Call to arms banners fly in the wind
For the glory of Hellas
Coat of arms reading "Freedom or death!"
Blood of king Leonidas

Tiocfaidh ár lá
BladedRonin
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:19:50 AM
Im sorry brother
Good.....?
Bad..............?

I'M THE GUY WITH THE GUN!
NwG
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:20:26 AM
Make a guy start crying in here...

Hope you get to teach you boy to shoot. If it doesn't work out like that don't worry, plenty of good people around here that will make sure it's taken care of.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Could not have been easy to type that.
"Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man." poke
"Guess I'm just a good man." poke
Well, I'm all right.
B2k4E
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:20:38 AM


Dude.

I can't even imagine that. Hope it turns around man, I really do.
Official ARFCOM Callsign: FIREBALL

Bullpup is not a crime!
Truth2882
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:20:58 AM
If I wasnt 12 hours away brother I would come lend an ear. Il be up for another hour if you need someone to talk to.
rollin_hot
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:22:53 AM
Words fail me. Prayers sent for you and your son.
DPL
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:22:55 AM
My brother died at 47 years old from a non-Hodgkins lymphoma in his abdomen. Prayers are sent.
mike-munich
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:23:59 AM
Sitting here for the last 10 minutes not knowing what to type. I'm just sad.

I'm over here in Europe, 6000 miles away, 10.20am, at work.

I'd like to hear about you Brother.
Si vis pacem, para bellum.
ValleyGunner
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:24:18 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By Truth2882:
If I wasnt 12 hours away brother I would come lend an ear. Il be up for another hour if you need someone to talk to.


This. Prayers bud. I wish you nothing but peace and strength.
xIamIronManx
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:24:29 AM
Whatever happens, if you believe, this is the only hell you'll ever know.

Thoughts and prayers.
GSL
"The North Remembers."
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:24:48 AM
I'm sorry to hear this, friend.

Godspeed and the best of luck for you and to your family.
If I had a son, he would look like Christopher Lane.

FBHO

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Fatalwishes
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:25:49 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By AKFF:
Originally Posted By Fatalwishes:
Originally Posted By AKFF:
I've shed a few tears and am going to crack a beer in your honor. Stay strong and don't give up hope even though it seems impossible. Is your family nearby?



No, they are all home in bed, I gave them the day off.

I'm up here alone......I sure could use a buddy right now. I hate Sundays.




Tell me about your favorite day shooting.



I think it was a night shoot that would be my favorite. We bought 1000 rounds of the white box wolf ammo a few years ago........

I had just bought my Glock 17.........we were down in Newton Texas at the farm facing an old gate.......

Practicing quick draw........we shot all night long. I fired over 800 rounds and not 1 single FTE/FTF that night. Incredible for a new gun.

Neighbor came down....drunk as hell about 3/;00 am to see if we were going to run out of ammo lol?

We actually started shooting in the dayligh.......30-30's about.....300 rounds.

SKS........500 rounds


Been shooting all day and all night. Lots of beer and good times. I broke that Glock in good. Next season I shot a deer with it. Right behind the left shoulder through the heart.. Small buck.....two steps...and fell.

I've killed turkey, possums, racoons,, lizards........that glock has killed a shit pile of animals and fired over 50,000 rounds by now.

I guess I'ts my favorite pistol besides my 586.

Oh man that stuff I've shot with it......wow.

I shot it so much I wore out the cylinder and had to have SW replace it lol

Its amazing.....my reloads are pretty stiff ...125gn XTP sitting on top of W296 makes the best 357 mag load on the planet ya'll.

And deadly.
djsmiles
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:27:32 AM
damn...

God speed brother.
Originally Texted By ANSL:
Trust me, as your duly appointed conscience, drinking til 4am is condoned.

When tyranny becomes law, rebellion becomes duty.

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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:28:30 AM
Prayers sent.
GSL
"The North Remembers."
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:29:01 AM
[Jump To Reply]Originally Posted By Fatalwishes:If it does shrink the tumor, then I have to have a bone marrow transfusion immediately to help fight the cancer. There will be a small window of opportunity and we have to find a donor match.
What kind of match/blood type?

Tagged, I will donate if I can.
If I had a son, he would look like Christopher Lane.

FBHO

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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:29:43 AM
Good luck to you. Faith in Jesus Christ is essential in situations like these. If you don't know him it's still not to late.

I would spend the last days talking to that son of yours. He may not remember everything but you can still tell him about alot of things and share advice.
thehardmaster
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:29:51 AM
Jesus. Words fail me. I wish I could help you, my brother. My heart goes out to you, for what it's worth.
AKFF
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Posted: 10/28/2013 5:34:26 AM
I hold a lot of hands in the back of the ambulance that are in similar situations as you. I'm an empathetic individual and tend to put myself in others shoes. I have a 5 y/o boy. I think I would write him a letter explaining what kind of man I see him growing into. The kind of thing he can read in his teens and feel inspired and then read again in his 20s and feel proud.
Scorpionmain: I came into this world screaming and covered in someone else’s blood. I would have no problem with going out the same way.
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