First off, I'll say that this was unexpected and unplanned. I am trying to finish up school so that I can start a career, she is working. It feels like we aren't prepared to handle something like this in this stage of our lives. I feel unprepared and scared. She is 3 weeks or so along, and we are considering getting a medical abortion (with a pill).

We are both Christians, but it feels to me that we are making this decision based on selfishness and a lack of faith in God. Selfishness because we are putting our life goals in front of what could be our baby, and a lack of faith that God will help us get through this time and will provide for us. We really don't know what to do. I can't shake this feeling that either way, we are going to regret our decision. Any prayers or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Kids are awesome. Make the sacrifices and take care of your new blessing.  Yes it will be work, but you will be happy you kept your child.

Keep it! There's never perfect timing when it comes to children.

You won't regret having a baby until it's at least 15.

ETA: I was still in college when my wife got pregnant with our oldest. She and I were both bringing in less than $17/hr (me part time) trying to make things work and had just bought a house. He wound up being born the same week that I graduated.

You can make it work.

God tends to frown upon murdering children...

I was 23 and my life was going nowhere fast when I got my girlfriend pregnant. I was more scared than I can even express but I lived up to my responsibility and raised a beautiful young lady who started her first year of College this year. It wasn't easy the best things in life rarely are but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Congrats you know what the right thing to do is and I am confident you will make the right decision. If you need to talk I am here for you.

You and your wife will learn resilience, patience, humility and money management like never before.  Take a deep breathe and just stay focused.

My ex-girlfriend I dated in high school and off/on in college became pregnant(yep,mine ) just after she graduated from college and just before I finished my last quarter and graduated($65k debt between us two).  +20 years later, our son attends Appalachia State, we have +275k earnings between the two of us and we are still happily married.

Keep your moral compass straight and be the hero for your new family

Honestly...you'll never feel like you're ready. Your own life goals will always get in the way. The thing is, now you have another life to think about other than you and your wife's. So you have to think of what is best for all three of you. Maybe its adoption, maybe it's raising it yourself. Watch the first sonagram and listen to that heartbeat, if you can still kill it after that....I don't know what to tell you.

This. Being worried is a good sign.
Man up and take care of business.
Obviously you guys have a problem, since there's no reason for anyone with any sense to get pregnant on accident.
Will you abort your next mistake too? It will probably be an inconvenient time also. Then you can kill it or keep it.
If you keep it, in a short time you'll wonder why you didn't keep this one.
You are married, she wasn't raped.
(I could care less about abortion as I wouldn't take your kid)

Smasmortion

I'll echo that there isn't ever a "right" time. If you try to plan for perfection, it will never happen. Make it work and it will.

Adoption...there are folks that can't have kids and would love to have healthy baby and are at stage it would be blessing rather than a struggle. Work through your church for good options.

Few are actually ready, even when trying to get pregnant. Who's plan is more important: yours or God's?  Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

My family will be happy to take the baby if you will keep it.  

 

You will never feel 'ready' to have kids

Look at it this way, the sooner you start the sooner they'll be out the house having their own kids. The sooner you get grandkids and you'll get MORE time with them


You'll take a pill to kill a baby but won't take a pill to prevent one?

I'm inclined to keep it, for the reasons stated above. She seems to be leaning toward aborting. I feel so screwed here. I'm so afraid we are gonna end up resenting each other.

You will never regret having the child but you will both always regret killing your child.


The child being born will be the greatest moment in your lives. Don't be afraid of that moment embrace it.  Life is hard and scary but you'll make it.  

There's no such thing as the right time. Millions of Americans work, go to school, serve in the military, and lead perfectly normal happy satisfying lives. Children are a challenge , but not a crisis.

Do you think these people are somehow better prepared or have more fortitude than you?

parenting isn't necessarily easy. But neither is life. And from personal experience that fatherhood has been one hell of an adventure. One I would never want to take back.

Whatever you decide right now in your life I wish you all the best.

Children are a gift from god.  

If you are seriously considering a abortion than you need reevaluate your relationship with Christ.

You will end a human life with abortion, IM me and I'll be happy to give you the phone numbers your wife can call of women who are scarred emotionally due to such a regrettable choice.  They will be happy to share their story.  There's also plenty to google.

If you don't want it...I'll adopt it. Seriously.

My sister is also looking to adopt a second child (her first adoption went great and he needs a brother!)

I'd highly recommend you just keep the child. You can never feel fully prepared for children. It's an incredible thing that bond you develop with your child and I can't imagine NOT having my two sons. One of them was born last week and was 7 weeks early. He's been in NICU for a week and will be there for several more. I still love him so much and heck yeah I wasn't prepared for him...but we'll make it work. Kids just need you.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, . . . "
Our plans are not God's plans; his will over rides ours.
Please pray for strength to do the right thing.

If people waited until they were ready to have children, the birth rate would drop instantly. It's never a good time by our standards but trust that God will see you through it. Parenthood isn't easy but the rewards are worth the sacrifice.

God blessed you

Keep it

Op there's some things that cant be experienced or felt , even contemplated that compare to the love between father and child. Life truely is a gift.

My son Colt says hi.

I have 2 friends that have been trying to have a kid for years now and they're unable. They would cherish the child you're considering aborting.

I pray that you don't kill this baby.

It will be hard work and you will have to make some sacrifices, but you will be so glad for it.  I would not trade having my kids for anything.  We lost one via miscarriage before our daughter.  


Embrace it, you will be glad.

I know this isn't GD but FPNI. Most I can add had been said,  you may not think you're ready but you are.

when I was 19 I got my gf pregnant, her mother took her down and forced her to abort the baby. she turned into a complete mess, when she healed we broke up and she turned into a little ho, one day she decided she would kill herself over the guilt of killing her child, but somehow God intervened and it was through my mother. She loved her and told God loved her. She told her had she told my mother she was pregnant my parents would have taken her and the baby in and raised it as their own, with or without me in the picture. anyway the point is if you are Christians you can not kill the baby, and there is always someone that will help you through it. never give up on life.



btw Val and my parents were family till my parents death, she wound up marrying a friend and living 3 houses from my parents who helped raised their two girls, later on they cared for my dad when he got alzheimer's. Val's oldest girl died young when she plowed into the back of a broke down tractor trailer, faith in God has seen them through that loss  

Glad I married a woman who would never consider aborting a child. Your mileage sounds like it varies.

I would straight up leave a bitch for what is essentially a convenience abortion. Fuck that, I wouldn't waste a thought resenting her.

Put it up for adoption.  I think your wife is more scared of the pain and getting fat.

No one is ever ready.  Don't kill the baby.

Killing a baby cause it ain't conveniet for you?  Are you wondering if that seems selfish?

Good luck your in a pretty tight spot. Things are never as tough as you think they will be. I'm 41 with a 3 year old. I never wanted children until one day I did. I always thought it would suck to be a parent, man I gotta say it's the best thing ever.

As someone who waited to have a child until they were ready, you're truly never ready. My wife and I were together 9 years before found out we would be parents. Even now that he's 5 months old I'm scared shitless sometimes. It's all a part of it though. You really don't understand the level of happiness a child brings you until you're sitting there listening to its heartbeat in a doctors office. I cried like a little girl when I heard my sons first screams in the operating room. It could be worse. I don't even have any education beyond high school. My son doesn't care though.

That feeling you have is God working in you. Its not about your plan, its about his plan



Will do

Pro tip.

You're never ready.

Adapt.

My wife and I haven't planned on having a single one of our kids.  In fact, we were in serious trouble and contemplating divorce when we found out she was pregnant with our first.  11 years and 4 kids later there is nothing and I mean NOTHING on this planet like watching a baby come into this world and grow.  We never for a second considered not having him and even if we had separated we would have loved him just the same.

Do not abort the baby.  You will spend the rest of your life regretting it as opposed to maybe a few months or years trying to make things work and adapting.

You'll never feel like you're ready. Kids are always a sacrifice, deal with it. It will be worth it later even if you don't think so now.

OP I find myself posting on ARFcom less and less because there's nothing I can add to threads that isn't already being said but I feel compelled to tell you my story. Is it God? I don't know.

My first wife and I got pregnant at 18. I was in the USAF and had a job. My wife went to see the OB/Gyn at the base and I went with her. We were told by a doc there with lousy bedside manner "you've got a 1:1,256 chance of having a baby with Downs Syndrome." It was said matter of factly, mic drop the appointment was over. We went home and talked about it. We went to her next appointment with a different OB/Gyn and the first thing I asked about was abortion... the doc asked me why. "Because the chances of a downy baby... the other doc said blah blah chances".

The doc set our minds to rest and convinced us there was nothing wrong and that the other doc had crummy people skills. We had the baby. She had no issues.

Fast forward 10 years and my wife and I discover that she had PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Basically she was resistant to her own insulin and had hormonal imbalances. So she goes on mess to control it and she's back to the woman I married. I'd lost that woman over the course of 10 years and didn't realize it.

One thing the doc my wife was seeing for her PCOS didn't say was the mess tended to make you fertile... which is somethIn a lot of women with PCOS aren't. And she gets pregnant a second time... and is diagnosed with diabetes as well. So durning one of my wife's appointments I asked about abortion. Her doc asked why. I said "I'm really attached to my wife, she's got diabetes, high risk pregnancy, I'd rather keep my wife and not run the risk of losing her to some kid I never met"

That doc also put our fears to rest and my wife didn't have any complications.

So... I've got 2 kids 10 years apart... the oldest won't speak to me because of issues we're having. I'm struggling dealing with my younger kid because he's high functioning autistic but he's pretty cool. My wife died almost 10 years ago now due to other reasons...

I'm not going to say keep the baby. I'm not going to say give it up for adoption. I'm not going to say abort it. That's a decision your wife needs to make. Support her decision. Love her regardless of the choice made. Kids are great but they're a pain to raise too... and expensive. But they're great.

I believe everything happens for a reason. If you're meant to have a kid then the universe will let you know... same for adoption or abortion. You'll know the signs.

And whatever you do, take lots of pictures. You think you take enoug but it isn't.

Children are the greatest thing on this planet.  My wife got pregnant with our first just after we got married and I had joined the Army, it was not planned and happened during some of the worst days in our marriage. Our second was born a year and a half ago.

My wife hasn't worked since just after our first was born, and I have busted my butt just to keep afloat. I don't have a nice house or a ton of guns, but I have enough. There are days when I wish I had the ability to buy a new gun or take an unplanned day off, but I just have to deal with reality. There are days when I have had the worst day at work and just want to be left alone, and then a pudgy little boy waddles over in his diaper with a big smile on his face and says "dada" and hugs me, and I would never trade that for any "stuff".

Your wife is scared right now, go hug her, look into her eyes, and tell her, this is going to be OK. This child has the potential to be one of the greatest moments in your life, don't run away from it.

This, you made it.

This.  Children are a gift from God.  Raising them is one of the highest callings for a man.  You are considering murdering yours at his/her most vulnerable stage of life; your own flesh and blood?  How is this even a conundrum?  You make me sick.

I will pray for your baby and for you two to make the right decision.

Religion or no religion.  

Keep your kid.   Love your kid.  Love your wife.

Keep the baby. Trust me. Plus, if you are a strong Christian man, she will follow your lead. She is just looking for  support.

This.

I know that we all sin and fall short, but I dont understand how anyone can claim to love Christ, and let Christ live within them, and then even consider murdering a baby.


Children are awesome.  God gave you a gift, now your job is to love and support your wife, and your new family.

Been talking to the wife and praying a lot. I think the initial shock and panic is wearing off and cooler heads are prevailing. We are leaning towards keeping it now.

What do we do now? See an OB/GYN?

Start thumbing through the list of doctors and go see whichever one you decide on. They'll give you the guidance you need on the process.

Announce to your family and have fun. Talk to your parents. Make sure you have insurance . And enjoy the pregnancy.

Congratulations

My Mom had an abortion when I was young and my wife had an abortion right out of high school. It is NOT "the big eraser" that some would lead you to believe. They are both a little messed up from it to this day. Oh and kids are awesome, your child is growing inside your wife right now. Think about how awesome that is!