I'm posting this here to try and avoid the typical responses you'd get in GD, hoping to glean some advice from others of faith (regardless of what that faith may be).
This past year or so has been the hardest of my life. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with my own mental hangups and perceptions, but in the last year, my health has seriously deteriorated, I've lost my job, my Dad was seriously injured in a car accident, lost all my friends, lost my hunting lease, etc. etc.
Almost to the day a year ago, my Dad was almost killed on his way to work by a 17 year-old girl who was high on Xanax (she was killed on impact). Not to make his situation mine, I'm just giving background. It seems like from that day forward everything began to fall apart. I had to help my mom with a lot of the paperwork, insurance, and be at the hospital a lot. My dad has endured 6 surgeries in the meantime (still can't walk) and had to retire from a 60-70K a year job. Myself and my siblings have had to help a lot with upkeep of his home, getting him to appointments, etc. (not that i mind doing any of this at all)
Shortly after his accident, due to apparent inattention to some long-term buddies, I was kicked off my hunting lease (junior-high type retaliation if that makes sense). Hunting was literally my only escape, and I haven't set foot in the woods since with the exception of collecting my gear from the property. My child and I spent a lot of time in the woods together, and I miss it like crazy. Like I said, it was my therapy and I enjoyed it immensely.
I also lost a good job making good money for my area. Since then, I haven't been able to find anything remotely approaching a good salary, even though I have a degree and YEARS of experience with long-term job history.
On top of all this, I've developed severe arthritis in my spine and most of my joints, and every day is a lovely experience of pain and stiffness. I've pretty much lost all my motivation to do much of anything, other than getting my kids where they need to go and general household stuff (I do have some pride left).
So, while it seems like I'm whining (and maybe I am) and have made a tl;dr type of post, I'm just looking for some advice on how to get back on the wagon. I feel like God has abandoned me, which the mature part of my mind knows isn't the case but the human weakness part of me feels every day. Couple that with all the darkness in the world right now, and it just feels like "it's not worth it."
If you've ever experienced some life stressors of this level, what did you do to keep your faith strong and get back in the game? That's exactly the phrase I've used when talking to my wife - I just feel like I'm "out of the game of life" and can't get back in. Literally all my friends have disappeared from my life. Some on purpose as stated above, some just busy with their lives (and I get that). I mean, other than a free message board, I can't ask anybody for advice. Family doesn't get it - I come from the school of life that men are never supposed to have weak moments or crises, you just suck it up and move on. I've tried, but I just can't get my confidence and faith back it seems.
I still consider myself a believer, but I tell you, my faith has never been weaker. I went from praying multiple times daily to maybe having a conversation with God 1-2 times a week. And it's not that I'm even placing the blame on God, it's just more of a "well, why bother" type response.
Any advice/suggestions?
I'm sure I'll get flamed, but I gave the Reader's Digest version of events. In short, life went from good/tolerable to crap really quick, and I can't seem to get any traction. Instead of looking to the future with good thoughts, I'm living day to day and almost just waiting to punch my ticket. Not suicidal, just don't care.