Take a factory round and fire it from your gun. That will cause the brass to expand to fit your chamber
Use your new headspace gauge to measure the shoulder of that brass. Write that number down.
Then you'll want to adjust your resizing die so when you run the case through the die, and remeasure, the new headspace number is .002 less than the 'fire formed' case.
This tell you that you've bumped the shoulder just enough to not over work but enough to be reliable and chamber safely.
Test 5-10 cases to make sure you're getting accurate measurements. Both on fire formed dimensions and your resize dimensions.
This can take some trial and error. Start with your die 'loose' and slowly turn it down, while running the case thru the die, until you get the correct measurement
To answer your questions in your original post. Yes you want your brass to have consistent headspace after resizing. No it doesn't correlate to lifespan of the brass