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Link Posted: 4/6/2014 6:07:56 PM EDT
[#1]
My mom is here, and she has been a great strength to me. I need to see my doc, because I can't do shit if I have a stroke. I need my to see my attorney, for obvious reasons. And I need a job. My ass is grass at the end of June. Queen Bitch timed the filing of the papers perfectly to fuck with my head, that bitch.
Link Posted: 4/6/2014 6:53:37 PM EDT
[#2]
Link Posted: 4/6/2014 7:07:29 PM EDT
[#3]
I can't and I won't let them see me bleed. She is well and truly far away, which is a good thing. The time I've spent with my mom has been priceless. She is one tough cookie. I can do this/these thing(s). I have to now. There is no alternative choice. I'm committed at this point, and as much as it will get worse, I believe it must get better. It must. I believe it, and I can't do otherwise. Thanks to all of you!
Link Posted: 4/6/2014 7:26:29 PM EDT
[#4]
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Quoted:
I can't and I won't let them see me bleed. She is well and truly far away, which is a good thing. The time I've spent with my mom has been priceless. She is one tough cookie. I can do this/these thing(s). I have to now. There is no alternative choice. I'm committed at this point, and as much as it will get worse, I believe it must get better. It must. I believe it, and I can't do otherwise. Thanks to all of you!
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Good that you have family around for support. Your lucky (and see it as a blessing) that no kids are involved, which means once things are finalized, you wont have any ties with your Ex, i know someone that had a horrible Ex and was reminded of them thru the kids, either the kids missed them or just how they acted resembled the Ex, etc etc. There were no kids involved with my divorce and it literally makes things 10x easier to get the divorce and move on and have zero ties with the Ex.
Link Posted: 4/6/2014 8:09:15 PM EDT
[#5]
....it's funny how women hit the  'eject'  button when the money flow is challenged.....
Link Posted: 4/6/2014 8:55:25 PM EDT
[#6]
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Quoted:


Never let them see you bleed.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
My mom is here, and she has been a great strength to me. I need to see my doc, because I can't do shit if I have a stroke. I need my to see my attorney, for obvious reasons. And I need a job. My ass is grass at the end of June. Queen Bitch timed the filing of the papers perfectly to fuck with my head, that bitch.


Never let them see you bleed.


Very wise words.

I had the same completely out-of-the-blue bomb dropped on me. I don't know why it's so important
for them to set everything on fire when they're on the way out, but it sure does seem to be the case.
If they see they're having any success, it just makes them try harder, so the best way to handle it
is as GrayMan advises.
Link Posted: 4/6/2014 9:46:04 PM EDT
[#7]
I am so sorry for your situation.

My marriage has been rocky for nearly its entire ten year life.
It seems the only thing that keeps us together is the world likes to try and kick us both at the same time.
The only thing we love to fight more than each other, is the world.

My wife has been incredibly supportive since I have been laid off.
Most days she would rather have me home than job searching.
I can honestly say that I have placed my career above her for the last decade.
Not anymore. She says unless they are paying $20 an hour plus, it aint worth getting off my ass for.
She wants me HOME. We are catching up. I feel like I am getting to know her all over again.

Your wife leaving you at a time like this, just proves her character.
You are better off without the job or the wife that let you go.

Link Posted: 4/7/2014 5:24:34 AM EDT
[#8]
Sorry  about your situation, been there myself. It does get bettter
Link Posted: 4/7/2014 5:55:08 AM EDT
[#9]
im sorry for all that you are going through. all i can tell you is how i treated my situation.

i had a time where i was ripped apart, and my whole life was in pieces, and even though it was painful, i was happy it happened. since my whole life was in a million pieces, i was the only one who could decide how to put them pieces back together again. and when i did i left all the parts out of my life that i did not like, and even though it was the toughest time in my life, i made my life extremely better because of it. it was the most horrible point of my life, and im happy it happened.

keep the course, and it this tears you apart, just know that you are the only one who can put the pieces back together again when its over, you just have to decide to make sure to leave all the parts out you dont like.


Link Posted: 4/7/2014 9:56:54 AM EDT
[#10]
All good advice! Thanks! Saw my doc again, and my blood pressure is still good, so that's good.  Had a 1 and 1/2 hour meeting with the attorney and the paralegal. They said that this should be pretty straightforward. The only hitch might be alimony, might. I've got some homework to do for them, then we will be able to properly assess the potential damage. Thanks again all!
Link Posted: 4/7/2014 10:16:43 AM EDT
[#11]

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Quoted:

Then, I start to wonder what HIS name is, then my face leaks...
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This is eluding to her having some potential infidelity issues. You should make your lawyer aware. Like NOW... Your alimony payment will thank you.

 
Link Posted: 4/7/2014 10:57:29 AM EDT
[#12]
I told them, beleive me. I didn't hold back anything as I want my counsel to be fully informed.
Link Posted: 4/7/2014 11:04:19 AM EDT
[#13]
Invest in a PI?

Link Posted: 4/7/2014 11:33:18 AM EDT
[#14]
Already thinking about the PI. My attorney and I discussed the possible actions to take in regards to that eventuality. I'm glad my attorney seems really experienced.
Link Posted: 4/8/2014 5:09:12 AM EDT
[#15]
I have a wonderful wife, married now for 21 years.   HOWEVER, prior to that, I have three ex wives in the past.

Trust me, as bad as things seem today, ForensicDoc, it will get better.  Time and distance heals most emotional wounds.  Heed the advice here, and cover your butt financially and legally.   Don't sweat the small stuff.  Revenge is a waste of time.  
Jobs come and go,  most of us have half a dozen or more before we retire.  There is always work for a qualified, experienced person.
Link Posted: 4/8/2014 5:31:57 PM EDT
[#16]
Thanks all! I'm not interested in revenge at all. But that doesn't mean I have to be a pussy. I have started "wargaming out" several options. Right now I need to answer the "interrogetories" and prepare my own with my lawyer. I also need more intel. I've set up a table in my living room as my "war command center" with files and what-not, and I think I can get more passive electronic/web-based intel on the down low through trusted other volunteers (don't want to be specific at all, but passive shit, and not illegal or immoral). MIND BLOWING: a guy I knew from a few years ago in a related field showed up this morning on unrelated business. He knew where I worked, and ask how I was. We updated, and now I've got one more brother on my side! WHAT TIMING!
Link Posted: 4/8/2014 10:03:50 PM EDT
[#17]
Change your locks.
Link Posted: 4/9/2014 5:57:32 AM EDT
[#18]
ForensicDoc,
I'm saddended by your situation.  I'm very sorry.

Let me just add a couple comments:
(1) Women just don't get up and leave solely because they're unhappy.  There is another man in the picture somewhere - guaranteed.  This other man capitalized on her disatisfaction and lead her away from you.  I tell you this just so you understand the situation, not to make you jealous or increase your pain.  Avoid trying to "get back" at your wife or "make the other guy pay."  It is what it is.  Focus on the positive goal to the fullest extent possible which is your own successful and happy future.
(2) There's a lot of lawyer advice being given here.  Good advice.  If possible, see if she wants to settle this thing without all the lawyer drama - fast and easy.  If there's a way she'd just agree to a division of your assets (which doesn't sound like a whole lot) then you might be able to get out of this without a ton of lawyer fees and court drama.  If that's not possible, then just execute the advice you've been given thus far.
(3) Keep the potential new job quiet to the extent possible until the divorce drama is complete.

The best news of all of this is that you don't have kids to fight over, child support, visiting rights drama, etc.  That fact should be a source of huge satisfaction.
Good luck to you.  You have friends here.
Link Posted: 4/9/2014 6:43:30 AM EDT
[#19]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
ForensicDoc,
I'm saddended by your situation.  I'm very sorry.

Let me just add a couple comments:
(1) Women just don't get up and leave solely because they're unhappy.  There is another man in the picture somewhere - guaranteed.  This other man capitalized on her disatisfaction and lead her away from you.  I tell you this just so you understand the situation, not to make you jealous or increase your pain.  Avoid trying to "get back" at your wife or "make the other guy pay."  It is what it is.  Focus on the positive goal to the fullest extent possible which is your own successful and happy future.
(2) There's a lot of lawyer advice being given here.  Good advice.  If possible, see if she wants to settle this thing without all the lawyer drama - fast and easy.  If there's a way she'd just agree to a division of your assets (which doesn't sound like a whole lot) then you might be able to get out of this without a ton of lawyer fees and court drama.  If that's not possible, then just execute the advice you've been given thus far.
(3) Keep the potential new job quiet to the extent possible until the divorce drama is complete.

The best news of all of this is that you don't have kids to fight over, child support, visiting rights drama, etc.  That fact should be a source of huge satisfaction.
Good luck to you.  You have friends here.
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Hell of a first post.  Good on you, man.
Link Posted: 4/9/2014 10:03:30 AM EDT
[#20]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
ForensicDoc,
I'm saddended by your situation.  I'm very sorry.

Let me just add a couple comments:
(1) Women just don't get up and leave solely because they're unhappy.  There is another man in the picture somewhere - guaranteed.  This other man capitalized on her disatisfaction and lead her away from you.  I tell you this just so you understand the situation, not to make you jealous or increase your pain.  Avoid trying to "get back" at your wife or "make the other guy pay."  It is what it is.  Focus on the positive goal to the fullest extent possible which is your own successful and happy future.
(2) There's a lot of lawyer advice being given here.  Good advice.  If possible, see if she wants to settle this thing without all the lawyer drama - fast and easy.  If there's a way she'd just agree to a division of your assets (which doesn't sound like a whole lot) then you might be able to get out of this without a ton of lawyer fees and court drama.  If that's not possible, then just execute the advice you've been given thus far.
(3) Keep the potential new job quiet to the extent possible until the divorce drama is complete.

The best news of all of this is that you don't have kids to fight over, child support, visiting rights drama, etc.  That fact should be a source of huge satisfaction.
Good luck to you.  You have friends here.
View Quote




Most savvy advice in one place here so far.



The quick resolution is what I did in my divorce [but we were on good terms, ---once the die was cast a 'famous person' went and dazzled her and that was all she wrote for her desire for a FAST divorce, because they wanted to get married [he'd been divorced already 4 or 5 times for heaven's sakes] and the marriage was a disaster, as I was informed from the sidelines.

The FAST part solved all my problems. They went thru the plant when I was on a trip and made a list of everything they wanted, Vet, $$$, equipment, on and on....  

Their HASTE meant they left who know's how much on the table...  

She did between the two wind up with multimillions and likely won't outlive her resources [unless some sort of economic collapse we talk abt occurs] so between the 2 I'd say she did something right -but the suffering she must have gone thru over the years, I can't comprehend....

We're still fond of each other and commo maybe every 10 years, but she was too bossy....

Her new husband left her for a younger lady who showed up at the exotic place they were living one day...  AFAIK, he's still married to her and has more kids.

My ex, moved back to where she was raised to renew bonds w/ her family. That was ~10 yrs ago.


So, the point of this is if you can, try to work things out and reach an amicable win win settlement/conclusion to the marriage.



Oh yeah, the marriage failure was mostly my fault...  

But I've got few regrets...     Some of my actions I regret a whole lot...



Link Posted: 4/9/2014 12:18:34 PM EDT
[#21]
Thanks all! I already figured on the other guy. She wouldn't have dumped me unless she already cut another bull from the herd. At this point it's moot and doesn't matter. I'm not about revenge at all. Now, I'm focusing on tactics and strategy with my attorney. I just want to protect myself as much as I can right now. My hope is that we can haggle this out without it turning into a drama-fest, and right now that seems entirely possible, and that's a good thing. Thanks again!
Link Posted: 4/9/2014 1:03:12 PM EDT
[#22]
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Quoted:
What a morning. My blood pressure was 180/130 at the docs office. We had a nice chat about that. He gave me BP meds (actually started me right there on the spot), his cell number, and told me my ass better be there again Monday morning. Got a call on my way home from a place I had interviewed with a month ago and had written off. I'm still in the running. It would be a gig NW of Orlando doing different stuff, but I'm OK with that. If this works out, it might pay more too, which is nice. Fucking ironic week . If I can get this job nailed down, then at least that's one thing off my plate.
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Mt. Dora/Ocala, if you get the and get up here you will be much happier.  Even better your money will go further up here than in SE FL.

She just gave you the gift of getting in shape, a new start, and the ability to do what you want when you want.  Congratulations!  



Link Posted: 4/9/2014 2:02:06 PM EDT
[#23]
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Quoted:
Thanks all! I already figured on the other guy. She wouldn't have dumped me unless she already cut another bull from the herd. At this point it's moot and doesn't matter. I'm not about revenge at all. Now, I'm focusing on tactics and strategy with my attorney. I just want to protect myself as much as I can right now. My hope is that we can haggle this out without it turning into a drama-fest, and right now that seems entirely possible, and that's a good thing. Thanks again!
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One of the things to becareful about is the "Oh I made a mistake, I want to be with you, etc etc" Aka whomever she is with or trying to be with isnt having it. Not saying this is true, but be very careful. Otherwise, stick to your guns.
Link Posted: 4/9/2014 2:26:36 PM EDT
[#24]
No, I told my lawyer we were no contact from now on. Only our lawyers communicating for us, and then made my opening move. Chess games are never won in the opening move, but those two actions surprised her, because of her reaction. I won't be specific, but it would appear she was expecting a different reaction entirely. She reacted from a position of weakness, and my move was from a position of logic. I ain't there yet, but by G-d, I will get there... I will
Link Posted: 4/9/2014 3:01:31 PM EDT
[#25]
Doc, glad to see your new attitude over the last pages.

A failsafe plan of Mutually Assured Destruction-- that's to say you're willing to expend all of your shared assets on legal expenses to defend against crippling alimony- is worth thinking through.  I got the impression you're not neck deep in assets anyway?

Sounds like mediation is no longer an option; all fine.

If your lawyer thinks you'll need evidence of infidelity to fend of alimony, spend the money necessary to get it.

Good luck
Link Posted: 4/9/2014 3:04:04 PM EDT
[#26]
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Quoted:
No, I told my lawyer we were no contact from now on. Only our lawyers communicating for us, and then made my opening move. Chess games are never won in the opening move, but those two actions surprised her, because of her reaction. I won't be specific, but it would appear she was expecting a different reaction entirely. She reacted from a position of weakness, and my move was from a position of logic. I ain't there yet, but by G-d, I will get there... I will
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Good deal..trust me and all the others, this is a blessing and you will eventually see it and it will make you wiser
Link Posted: 4/10/2014 12:03:26 PM EDT
[#27]
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I'm 38. Been married 12 years. No kids. I'm just in shock of it all. It's like watching a train wreck happen, but I'm on it. I feel physically sick, that's why I'm going to my doctor tomorrow.
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fuck - you are actually a lucky man.  as the poster a few above mentioned - you are now FREE.  yes you may also be indigent, but thats solveable.  

I realize that is piss poor consolation when the world is beating up on you, but its time to look at your sitaution a new way - realize the freedom this affords you, and start looking forward instead of backwards.  a job - you can find one, shit you can find any kind of job if you absolutely need to.  GF, you can get one of those too, dont be in a hurry to get re-married either, enjoy life.  

you will get through this and you have lots of life left to ENJOY.  
Link Posted: 4/10/2014 4:04:26 PM EDT
[#28]
Thanks all! Last night I spoke with my best friend from years ago, who I haven't talked to in a few years, and he helped me put things into perspective. Today sucked, as her timing in regards to my job and job-related activities, was perfect for the best "mind fuck." But, it went, tomorrow is tomorrow, and I am only one man, and can do one thing at a time. Fuck it. My co-worker said it: "better days are coming." Thanks all!
Link Posted: 4/18/2014 6:30:15 AM EDT
[#29]
How are things going, ForensicDoc?
Link Posted: 4/18/2014 6:32:28 AM EDT
[#30]
Link Posted: 4/18/2014 12:11:42 PM EDT
[#31]
Doing better, but definitely not 100%. This week involved a lot of unintended introspection and analysis of the last few years. Not in a pity way, but in a logical way. I think that was good and needed reflection. The reality is that this was coming up on me, regardless, she just had a perfect deception plan, which I dutifully bought into. My gut had sent me signals of problems in the past, which I blew off. Note to self: Always trust my gut instincts, I could have avoided some trouble this way. I've been moving forward slowly, but surely. The people at work have been very supportive and understanding, which is good. I met with my paralegal again today to do some paperwork, so that's good. I still need to finish my "legal homework," but have some time. I will do what I can in bite-sized chunks this weekend. It really means a lot to me that you guys haven't forgotten about me. It really does, and I mean that most sincerely!
Link Posted: 4/18/2014 3:08:50 PM EDT
[#32]
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Quoted:
No, I told my lawyer we were no contact from now on. Only our lawyers communicating for us, and then made my opening move. Chess games are never won in the opening move, but those two actions surprised her, because of her reaction. I won't be specific, but it would appear she was expecting a different reaction entirely. She reacted from a position of weakness, and my move was from a position of logic. I ain't there yet, but by G-d, I will get there... I will
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Stay focused, are you of the tribe?
Link Posted: 4/18/2014 4:13:35 PM EDT
[#33]
Tribe? If you mean what I think you mean, then no, just a very modest humble dude looking to keep his head and ass wired together in these trying times.
Link Posted: 4/21/2014 8:08:23 AM EDT
[#34]
G-d is used by certain people as we do not write his name out
Link Posted: 4/22/2014 4:59:12 AM EDT
[#35]
North Dakota, new start.
Link Posted: 4/22/2014 11:59:46 AM EDT
[#36]
Got a possible gig lined up. I'll know for sure in a couple of weeks. If that doesn't work, I actually have been seriously considering North Dakota. Maybe I've been listening to Hannity's radio show too much.
Link Posted: 4/22/2014 3:18:45 PM EDT
[#37]
Get a new hobby...like GUNS...worked for me...
Link Posted: 4/22/2014 4:04:29 PM EDT
[#38]
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Quoted:
North Dakota, new start.
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+1
Link Posted: 4/23/2014 7:20:15 AM EDT
[#39]
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Got a possible gig lined up. I'll know for sure in a couple of weeks. If that doesn't work, I actually have been seriously considering North Dakota. Maybe I've been listening to Hannity's radio show too much.
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I hope things continue to move in a positive direction for you. Hate to hear about people going through these types of hard times. Good luck Sir.
Link Posted: 4/23/2014 10:00:28 AM EDT
[#40]
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Quoted:
Got a possible gig lined up. I'll know for sure in a couple of weeks. If that doesn't work, I actually have been seriously considering North Dakota. Maybe I've been listening to Hannity's radio show too much.
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Either way that is pretty awesome.
Link Posted: 4/23/2014 10:05:36 AM EDT
[#41]
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Quoted:
I am a glass half empty type.....

I say this is a good thing. Being unemployed with no dependents = FREEDOM

Even if you don't feel that way right now. It beats unemployed with dependents.

Get your finances secured. Don't move out. Don't date. Get a good lawyer. She hit ya when you were down....don't be chivalrous.
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this is how I would handle... get it sorted and done... sell all assets and then hit the AT!
Link Posted: 4/23/2014 1:26:24 PM EDT
[#42]
I hear you. Right now I'm focused on the potential new gig. That would have a lower cost of living, and relative job security. I think that would help me tremendously.

Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:


this is how I would handle... get it sorted and done... sell all assets and then hit the AT!
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Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
I am a glass half empty type.....

I say this is a good thing. Being unemployed with no dependents = FREEDOM

Even if you don't feel that way right now. It beats unemployed with dependents.

Get your finances secured. Don't move out. Don't date. Get a good lawyer. She hit ya when you were down....don't be chivalrous.


this is how I would handle... get it sorted and done... sell all assets and then hit the AT!

Link Posted: 4/30/2014 5:16:27 PM EDT
[#43]
Wow, so today my boss and I had a chat about my current situation. He told me that he wanted me to stay, and said that he hoped that I would. So, I guess I've been un-fired (?). I don't know what to make out of this anymore. I'm getting really confused at this point. Should I still try for the new gig, or stay where I am? This is all too much for me to take in... Fired, divorce papers, "un-fired", potential new job... What would you do? Thanks for your advice.
Link Posted: 4/30/2014 8:47:38 PM EDT
[#44]
keep trying for the new job, but keep the current one as a back up. They were willing to drop you, they've shown you they'd do it, no reason to not treat them the same. Just don't burn bridges unnecessarily, a lot of industries are small enough you can't escape your past.
Link Posted: 5/1/2014 7:07:37 PM EDT
[#45]
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Quoted:
keep trying for the new job, but keep the current one as a back up. They were willing to drop you, they've shown you they'd do it, no reason to not treat them the same. Just don't burn bridges unnecessarily, a lot of industries are small enough you can't escape your past.
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This ^^^^

You should always be applying and talking to other potential employers anyway.  You can ask for the moon and surprising every once in a while you will get it.

Hopefully, you have been able to been able to put her in her place and get her gone.  Women can tolerate your anger a lot better than your indifference if you have managed to remove her from your life you will have that at least.  It also makes it easier to meet other women and move on.

Link Posted: 5/1/2014 10:04:19 PM EDT
[#46]
Hmm.  So you're no longer unemployed?

This may change your "ex's" behavior.  Don't let it affect you.

She may be too far gone.  But in my experience, "affection" patterns often mimic "financial potential" patterns SO closely that it can be scary.  And of course if her departure was about your limited financial potential, she'll do that again in a heartbeat.

Remember the Seinfeld episode when Elaine (who was Jerry's ex-girlfriend for those of you who don't know) found out Jerry had bought his parents a Cadillac?  She suddenly became the "seductive" Elaine, saying "I didn't know you had THAT much money!"

Then she wants to pick him up at the airport, hang out, etc etc.  Funny stuff-- but it was funny because it is often true.  Definitely my experience.

Link Posted: 5/2/2014 3:59:37 PM EDT
[#47]
Well, had my second interview today, and it went well. The HR lady said they really wanted me, and wouldn't go through all of this trouble if they didn't. Talked with one of my would-be co-workers, and that went really well. Everybody was really pleasant and happy. Imagine that. I should know for sure in about two weeks, then I have to go or not. My decision:
  Stay here:  Know my job, know my co-workers, know my place (for the better or worse).
  Fo: Move to an unknown area, unknown co-workers, a little more money, more and harder work that I haven't done in a decade (but not un-doable).

I've never interviewed in a place with such happy people before, really. I don't know what to do... Do I FO or not FO? My gut tells me to FO, but I'm getting afraid, because if this falls through, I'm royally fucked six ways from Sunday. Advice?
Link Posted: 5/2/2014 4:55:14 PM EDT
[#48]
It sounds like it would be challenging, and you'd experience a lot of new things.  That is scary to some, adventure to others.  You're in a crossroads at life where you are free to make the choice for yourself.  If it was me, I'd jump at a change of location to get away from the past and be open to the future being radically better.  The people you're talking to coming across as happy sounds very positive.  Surrounding yourself with the right people is a HUGE part of success.

The unknown from my perspective is what does your future job/career path look like in each position?  Where will you be in 2, 5, 10 years if you pick one or the other?  Does one have a better future than the other?  If there is no career path for either just ignore this, but usually there's some sort of path for advancement.  Also something to ask the potential employer about if you haven't.

Will you enjoy living at where the new job is?  Ever been there before?
Link Posted: 5/2/2014 6:09:59 PM EDT
[#49]
It would be new-ish. I haven't done this kind of work in about the last 10 years, but I can catch up. The people really were good to me, I would be replacing a guy who stayed there long enough to retire. The HR lady told me they wanted someone who would be there for "at least" 10 years, not a couple. The pay would be about 10 to 15% more than I get now, but more work and more responsibility. Right now I have no prospects for advancement here, and constantly worry if I am to be re-fired or not. I've already selected some places I might move to, there are lots of good choices, so there is no problem there. My gut tells me it's time to move and start over, but I'm still a bit fearful, I'm ashamed to say.


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Quoted:
It sounds like it would be challenging, and you'd experience a lot of new things.  That is scary to some, adventure to others.  You're in a crossroads at life where you are free to make the choice for yourself.  If it was me, I'd jump at a change of location to get away from the past and be open to the future being radically better.  The people you're talking to coming across as happy sounds very positive.  Surrounding yourself with the right people is a HUGE part of success.

The unknown from my perspective is what does your future job/career path look like in each position?  Where will you be in 2, 5, 10 years if you pick one or the other?  Does one have a better future than the other?  If there is no career path for either just ignore this, but usually there's some sort of path for advancement.  Also something to ask the potential employer about if you haven't.

Will you enjoy living at where the new job is?  Ever been there before?
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Link Posted: 5/2/2014 6:15:53 PM EDT
[#50]
prayers for guidance inbound
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